“I Was Blind But Now……”

For the longest time, I’ve sense that God wanted me to quit my job and do “something else”. What, I didn’t know, just “something else”. God is like that, you have to walk through one door before he reveals the next door to you and even then it’s not real clear what’s on the other side. There’s always the next door in your life.

I felt this way back in the late 1980s when they closed the office I worked in when living in Jackson Mississippi and was offered the job as office manager of right to life. That job, however, required that I raise my own support. Like Gideon, I prayed that God would show me if that was the job He wanted me to have by not providing an alternative job offer. Well, I guess you know the rest of the story, another job came along and that job was much more financially secure though it required a move to Memphis Tennessee, though we ended up loving Memphis and didn’t want to leave there either. So, I took the financially secure job and assumed that God was telling me that was the wisest, most logical course of action to follow. However, every once in a while I have questioned  if  I chose correctly?

Fast forward to today and I’m 67 years old and sense that God wants me to retire and do something else with my life but have no idea what. I have no hobbies other than reading and writing; my wife is counseling against it and in the past her intuition has almost always been correct; and if I work until age 70 I would substantially increase the amount of my Social Security benefit. 

Saturday morning I was reading “My Utmost For His Highest” and the words jumped off the pages, “Just because I don’t understand what Jesus Christ says, I have no right to determine that He must be mistaken about what He says…. Are you debating whether you should take a step of faith in Jesus, or whether you should wait until you can clearly see how to do what He has asked? Simply obey Him with unrestrained joy….When He tells you to do something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a misunderstanding of what honors Him and what doesn’t” 

Boy, that hit me right between the eyes. That is me in a nutshell. I don’t walk through many doors if I don’t know what’s on the other side! Faith is proceeding even when you don’t know the outcome and that’s always been hard for me to do.

I say all this to help me work through this as I think better when I write though, perhaps, I shouldn’t try to think through it, I should just obey? That said, I don’t want to lay another fleece before God for Him to direct me by, but???? So, I’d covet your prayers about what I should do and while you’re praying for that, I’m also sensing that God may be directing me to daily blog this faith walk and solicit your prayers for that as well.

I’m so glad we don’t have to live life alone. Thanks for praying for me.

Mason Swinney

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About menmourningmoments

I'm happily married, the Father of 2 sons and 2 daughters and 4 beautiful grandchildren. Death is all around us but somehow we've managed to distance ourselves from it. Men, Mourning, Moments is about how the death of my son awakened me to life & the desire to seize every moment as though it were my last. It's about making sense of life in the good times and bad and allowing GOD to carry me and teach me through the hard times in life.
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