Grief

The five letter word
that I don’t understand
what does it mean,
where do I stand.

Grief is like kudzu
covering all in its sight;
so I have to be vigilant,
it’s a plant that can fight.

It crawls along slowly
covering all in its path
and I really should stop it
but not up to the task.

It blankets my life,
I’m so darn self absorbed.
I want to fight it one minute
the next throw in the towel.

Like shadow boxing through life
and losing each round
but the shadows quite real
and only anger abounds.

Grief’s like food without spices
or desserts that aren’t sweet,
life’s bland and insipid,
I’m always ready to weep.

I’m mad if people talk to me,
I’m upset if they don’t,
but don’t ask stupid questions
or I just might tell you off.

I talk to friends ’bout my Shaun
though sometimes it brings tears,
so they apologize profusely,
they assume it’s their fault.

I sit in the coffee shop,
in there I won’t cry
even though I’m with strangers
whose only question’d be why.

But there’s comfort with people
who don’t get the blank stare,
so they keep a safe distance,
to the griever beware.

At times guilt consumes me,
if I’d only done more
though that lie’s from Satan
but feelings can’t be ignored.

Life’s not worth the effort
Lord please take me away
I’m so tired and confused
and can’t face one more day.

There’s no comfort in thinking
I did the best that I could
though my best wasn’t good enough
and for me that’s understood.

But life still continues,
I plod along without joy
because my hearts just not in it
it got buried with my boy.

Mason Swinney

Please, all rights reserved. Contact me for use of any portion of it.

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About menmourningmoments

I'm happily married, the Father of 2 sons and 2 daughters and 4 beautiful grandchildren. Death is all around us but somehow we've managed to distance ourselves from it. Men, Mourning, Moments is about how the death of my son awakened me to life & the desire to seize every moment as though it were my last. It's about making sense of life in the good times and bad and allowing GOD to carry me and teach me through the hard times in life.
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4 Responses to Grief

  1. sherry says:

    Praying for your heart not to hurt. Love you. SHerry JOnes

    Like

  2. Amy says:

    This makes me sad. I just pray for some relief and peace in your life Mason. I love you.

    Like

  3. Mason:
    So clear and honest are your words. How strong your character that you share them.

    Like

  4. Thanks Ladies I appreciate all your thoughtful comments and concern.

    Like

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